


Connect (and don't go)

by Mazauric



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mazauric/pseuds/Mazauric
Summary: The relationship between Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin has been going on too long. When KAT-TUN goes on hiatus and everything is slowing down to a crawl, they get another chance to connect.





	Connect (and don't go)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eternalmurasaki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalmurasaki/gifts).



> Hi! This story kind of goes all over the place and I’ve tried to keep it as on track as possible. From the prompt I got kind of a camera fetish image and ran with it so I hope you like it :) This story is set during the recharge period and for the sake of akameness, it’s written in a world where Jin never married Meisa or had kids.

<< KAME has logged in >>

Maru: …

Ueda: …

KAME: What?

Ueda: What’s with ur username?

Maru: KAME all in caps...the only thing you’re missing is spotlights

KAME: Shut up! My caps lock was stuck when I was choosing my username

KAME: And now it won’t let me change my username MARU

Ueda: lol

Maru: That’s not my fault

KAME: Ur the 1 who made this chatroom

Maru: Yeah but it’s so not my fault you’re computer illiterate

KAME: …

Ueda: Are they coming?

Maru: I sent out the invite…

KAME: I still don’t get why you insisted on this.

Ueda: I’m still amazed they agreed to it

Maru: You can’t move forward until you know your past….or some shit like that

Ueda: lol

KAME: Deep.

Maru: They are our past, our present and most likely our future. Losing contact with them earns no one any points. Plus we are in a recharge. I think they can help.

KAME: I don’t get that. I really don’t get that.

Ueda: ….I’m not sure.

Maru: Just...try it. Give it a chance. I’m not saying that they can fix KAT-TUN but...it’s something. I’m willing to try anything at this point. 

KAME: We said we’d come back. It’s a recharge, not a disbandment. We can’t take that back now.

Maru: I know but we are taking this time to recharge, better ourselves, come back with something to show for KAT-TUN.

KAME: And you really think they can help? They won’t be part of KAT-TUN when we come back, it’s just us. They’re our past and they’re important, but they’re our past. The end of the recharge, that part is our future and they’re not in it.

Maru: Just give it a go. One shot, that’s all I’m asking. Since we’re in the recharge, we have even less reasons to meet up and work in the same area anymore. If KAT-TUN is going to survive at all, we need that bond that we started with.

Ueda: …

KAME: …

Maru: I’m not even asking that you guys take time to meet up, all I’m asking is that you participate in this chatroom. Chat. Talk. It’s the biggest flaw with KAT-TUN, we never talked.

KAME: We always talked.

Ueda: LOL

Maru: I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that.

KAME: WE DID!

Ueda: LOL!!!!

Maru: Kame, you were the worst of all of us when it came to communication. Things we should have said but didn’t, things we needed to tell the others but didn’t. Did you know Arashi always talk to each other? Did you know Hey! Say! JUMP talk to each other?

Maru: COMMUNICATION is key and communication is what we sorely lack. I’m not saying the three of them can help us but all I’m saying is that if you wanna move forward, you need to connect with the past. That is what this chatroom is for.

Maru: Look, leave it. Just...please. KAT-TUN needs to talk, so let’s talk. I’m not even asking you to spend hours on your phone I’m just asking that we talk. All of us.

KAME: Except for the fact that there’s a meeting I have to be at in ten minutes.

Ueda: Workaholic turtle, stick around to say hi at least

KAME: growl

Maru: ??

KAME: wait...u don’t have emoji on this thing???

Maru: No I disabled that feature, along with the one that lets you send pictures.

Ueda: lol

Maru: I was afraid you’d send us your selfies

Ueda: LOL

KAME: :((((

Maru: But you can still send text emoji

KAME: dnt kno how….

<< Jokaaa has logged in >>

Maru: I asked you to just put in your normal name. It’s only us

Jokaa: Oh….I wasn’t listening

Ueda: Sup Koki

<< pleaseenterusernamehere has logged in >>

Maru: dammit Junno!!

Ueda: LOL

pleaseenterusernamehere: oh...how do u change username??

Maru: I feel a headache coming on

Jokaa： (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))

KAME: I need to go now. Hi Koki and Junno. Sorry to dash

pleaseenterusernamehere: aww leaving so soon??

<< fillmeUP has logged in >>

KAME: …

Jokaa: Yo

pleaseenterusernamehere: Hi

Ueda: Lo

fillmeUP: Kame y is ur username all in caps?

KAME: I have a meeting to be in. Bye.

<< KAME has logged out >>

Maru: That does it. As admin, I am changing all your usernames.

-

Tsuchiya Tao was, for all intents and purposes, perfect in her role. Bright, professional and alarmingly mature, she lit up the area she was in.

Which fit Kazuya perfectly because fitting into the role of Sagano Kota was a delicate process.

Considering the nature of the movie (older man marries teenage girl) it had to be handled delicately. Not just for the sake of the movie but also for the actors. Whilst love between an adult and a teenager was certainly not an unexplored region - in Japan and overseas - it still had to be handled carefully.

Luckily for him, he had a director who knew just how to do that.

Though Kazuya still found himself questioning the wig for the teenage scene every now and then. He was thirty years old, there was no way he could pass for a teenager anymore, it just looked ridiculous.

Pulling the wig off his head, Kazuya ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. They’d just filmed a couple of takes of him holding a door closed and even during the scene, he felt a million years older than he actually was. Playing a grown ass man, holding a door closed and hiding from teenagers...made him feel a hell of a lot older.

He looks up when he sees a bottle of water being gently placed in front of him and smiles at Tsuchiya.

“Kako-chan,” he purrs and nods to the catering service nearby. "Eat something.”

“You seemed tired,” Tsuchiya offers with a gentle smile he’s come to grow familiar with. He’s had co-stars who have worried about him, ones who kept their distance and even some who seemed intimidated by him. 

Then there’s ones like Tsuchiya who are just basically sweet. She’s sweet to everyone and it makes fitting into her role that much easier. The girl on the screen is the girl under the costume...the green kappa costume that she somehow still manages to suit.

There must be a thing about female models. The really good ones can look good in virtually everything they wear.

He’d like to say the same thing about himself but the wig looks ridiculous.

He gently shoos her off towards catering and leans back in the couch. His hands reaching for his phone more out of habit than necessity. His inbox, LINE and message box fills with notifications and he checks his surroundings for a moment before he crosses one leg over the other and takes his time to selectively go over them.

He still doesn’t get it. Why Nakamaru called for this but he doesn’t have the energy to argue with him on this. Besides, Nakamaru is really only asking that he participate every now and then. Which is literally the limit of what he can do when he’s filming two movies with a drama in the not so distant future.

He skims over the messages in the chatroom for a moment and pays attention to his work emails. In the background he can hear the crew setting up, the clattering of the set gear and barking of orders. He notices the chatroom filling with more messages from Jin and finds himself wondering what the other is up to.

Last he heard there was an album. He hasn’t kept up. With KAT-TUN going into recharge and work piling up in the meantime, Kazuya hasn’t had enough time to stalk an ex-bandmate. Much less an ex-flame.

He blames Nakamaru for this part. Now Jin’s name is in his phone again and it makes him wonder what Jin is doing. How his music is going, how his life is going and before Kazuya realises it, Jin fills his head and suddenly he has a million questions and no answers.

It’s frustrating because he ends up doing this all the time. Jin is like a drug, one that he ends up wanting every time he manages to wean himself off it. 

But if he’d told Nakamaru. _"No I don’t want to do your stupid experiment because I don’t want to talk to my on-again, off-again ex”_ then he would have had to answer a lot more questions than necessary. It was just easier to let Nakamaru have his way. Especially because it was actually Kazuya who had called the recharge period, against both Nakamaru and Ueda’s wishes.

Jin’s name pops up in his notifications again and Kazuya bites his lip. He starts wondering about Jin’s life again and this time he stops himself by putting the phone down and focussing on his food instead. 

Stupid Akanishi Jin. He’s like a drug and no matter how many times Kazuya has him, he can’t get enough. It’s frustrating, it’s destructive and in the end of it all, both of them end up being hurt beyond measure.

It feels so good when they’re together but at the same time there’s just too many things that could and often do go wrong. But thinking over it, agonising over it is not going to do him any good.

It never does. Akanishi Jin is a drug and he’s only just come out of recovery from him. Only to be put back in, thanks to Maru and his stupid idea. 

Fixing new KAT-TUN by making them face their past members. Kazuya shakes his head and ignores the way his phone lights up with more notifications.

It’s the dumbest idea ever.

-

Before the world started demanding too much from a fourteen year old, Kazuya remembered a point where life was a lot simpler. When his biggest worry was the answer to question 5 in his English test and not how to hide a million emotions from a camera.

Fourteen year old Kazuya has spiky hair, a squeaky high voice and confusing hormones.

One particular afternoon finds him lounging on the end of Jin’s bed with at least ten volumes of manga spread out between himself and Jin who is perched near the pillows. He leafs through the umpteenth volume of the afternoon, his eyes flicking up whenever Jin moves or makes the slightest noise.

Sixteen year old Jin is easily and effortlessly turning into one of those teenage boys who make people very aware of themselves. From his impossibly fluffy hair to his sunshine smile that lights up every room he’s in. He makes people shift and check themselves when he walks in.

Of course, Kazuya notices this because he’s watching Jin. As always. He notices the change a little after Jin starts shooting up in height and his body and face begins forming a more mature shape and look. Although Jin himself doesn’t actually change in personality, the change comes in the way people react to him. In the way girls look at him, reporters will change their way of talking to him. He makes them all extremely aware of themselves and Kazuya has caught more than a few - on occasion - primping themselves before they talk to him.

It’s different for Kazuya. Jin has always affected him. Even before he started doing this ‘growth spurt’ thing, Jin has always been there. At first he was safe, made Kazuya feel a little less lonely, let Kazuya tag along with him until they eventually just became a solid unit and everyone else knew about it. 

Friends and groups are kind of a given in this industry. The junior pool is enormous and people come and go all the time. For Kazuya, Jin was constant and resilient. Whatever the company threw at them, whatever embarrassing shit they had to do in front of the camera, it was so much easier doing it together than alone.

But Kazuya was starting to realise, even at this age, that what he felt for Jin probably had a million names - none he could use without feeling extremely embarrassed though.

“Do you ever think about alternate universes?”

The question comes out of the blue so Kazuya has to blink and look at Jin in confusion for a good minute before the other realises he has no idea what he’s going on about.

“Alternate realities,” Jin carries on. "Do you think, in another universe, there’s a Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin sitting here like this? Reading manga.”

Kazuya levels him with a strange look. Normally he’s the one pulling jokes nobody understands, not Jin. But he shrugs and plays along. "Maybe,” he says loftily. "But it wouldn’t be One Piece. It would probably be something like...Bleach.”

Jin winces and laughs, his foot coming out to boot Kazuya’s thigh for even suggesting it. "Not Bleach. Maybe alternate universe me reads…”

“Sailor Moon?” Kazuya suggests innocently and Jin kicks him again.

“Alternate Universe Kamenashi probably has a low, baritone voice,” Jin teases and makes his own voice as low as he can. "He talks like this and he’s probably a lot bigger than the stringbean you are.”

‘Shut up,” Kazuya laughs and kicks him back. "What brought this on?”

Jin laughs and waves him off. "Just something Kusano said the other day,” he finally admits. "He was being all philosophical and talking about alternate universes reflected in pictures and cameras and I told him he was full of shit.”

Kazuya frowns. "...but you still thought about it.”

“Yeah, well he was talking about alternate universes,” Jin shrugs. "So….I thought about it. Maybe the alternate Kamenashi and Akanishi are girls. Or maybe we’re enemies. Or lovers. Maybe we’re not friends at all.” Jin frowns. "Though that might suck. I need someone to beat at Mario cart.”

A pensive frown creases between Kame’s brows. "Do you really think we wouldn’t be friends?”

“Well alternate universes are alternate for a reason. Maybe we never meet. Maybe we just walk by each other one day in Shibuya, and we never actually meet.” He laughs. "Maybe we both go to the audition and you fail and I pass and we never actually talk because you are on the other side of the hall, and...” Jin stops, he isn’t sure why he is pushing this, especially when Kazuya looks a little stricken.

“Would you want that?” he asks in a small voice.  
The silent moment hangs between them, and Jin feels his mouth get a little dry. He knows that his answer will be important. "No.”

Kame nods, a little huff of relief escaping him. "Me too.”

-

<< Kame has logged in >>

Kame: Oh good, the name is fixed.

Kame: …

Kame: Anyone here?

Kame: …

Kame: Just me then. It’s rare I’m given a space to publically talk to myself. I know Maru turned the picture sending option off but so you all know, I would totally use this space right now to spam you all my naked selfies just to piss you off.

Kame: sigh

Kame: It’s 3 in the morning, the time has come for me to get weird.

Kame: Random question but does anyone know how long the human body can go without sleep before it starts hallucinating?

Kame: Once I got so bad that the walls started moving.

Kame: It was weird.

Kame: One minute, I’m lying underneath Fukada Kyoko in this really uncomfortable position and the next moment, I’m more interested in the moving walls than in the sex scene I was supposed to be filming.

Kame: Everyone here knows how weird sex scenes are to film right?

Kame: You spend an uncomfortably long time in one position and that position could be like, your leg between someone else’s and you’re either lying on your back (which is the preferable position) or you’re hovering for a long time whilst camera and crew get their shit together for the perfect lighting.

Kame: So you’re just hovering in front of your co-worker, uncomfortably close and to break the awkward ice you’re just like

<< Jin has logged in >>

Kame: So...come here often?

Jin: wtf…

Kame: Scroll up, I’m too tired to explain what I was going on about.

Jin: …

Kame: So. Do you?

Jin: Do I what?

Kame: Come often

Jin: …

Kame: HERE! Come HERE often!?!

Jin: lol

Kame: ffs I’m too tired for this.

Jin: For your information, sex scenes are fine.

Kame: When did you film a sex scene?

Jin: Anan was a lot of holding still in close positions.

Kame: Yeah well...it is what it is.

Jin: Uh huh

Kame: What are you doing here? It’s 3 in the morning.

Jin: Forgot to put my phone on silent so your stupid messages were pinging my phone and waking me up.

Kame: Silent mode. Button on side of phone. Use it.

Jin: ha ha. Sleep.

Kame: I can’t sleep. That’s why I’m here.

Jin: I figured. Can’t you turn your brain off?

Kame: We can’t all be like you, Akanishi.

Jin: If I knew the emoji for fuck you, I’d use it here.

Kame: My point stands.

Jin: *sigh* Fine. What’s on your mind?

Kame: You my therapist now?

Jin: You can’t pay me enough. But I’m drunk enough to be in a generous mood.

Kame: Of course you are.

Jin: Well?

Kame: Fine. I’m just thinking about things.

Jin: …

Kame: The recharge, the movies I have to film, the meetings I’m going to be in, my schedule for at least the next six months and on top of all that, this.

Jin: This?

Kame: This. If KAT-TUN is all about moving ahead, forging a new path with strengthened members, I don’t see how the three members who left are going to help with that.

Jin: Face your past, sort of...Nakamaru sold it better. I should copy and paste it.

Kame: Yes I got the same speech.

Jin: I still don’t see how that is worth you losing sleep over it. God knows you’re overworked as it is. Go to sleep.

Kame: How?

Jin: Count sheep. Drink warm milk. Read something. Drink.

Kame: …

Jin: What?

Kame: Nothing. That advice is just very...you.

Jin: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Kame: Neither. It’s a you thing.

<< Ueda has logged in >>

Ueda: Guys…

Kame: Silent mode.

Jin: Button on side of phone

Ueda: Go to bed! 

Kame: Okay.

Jin: ?!?! Okay?! I tell you to go to bed and you whine at me, he tells you to go to bed and you obediently go?!

<< Kame has logged out >>

Jin: …?!

Ueda: ( ︶︿︶)_╭∩╮

Jin: …

Ueda: It’s a middle finger. This would be the emoji for fuck you.

Ueda: I’m answering your question.

Jin: #stillansweringthingsfromtenminutesago

<< Jin has logged out >>

Ueda: (;¬_¬)

-

Filming drags on and with KAT-TUN in the back of his mind all the time, it’s hard to ignore the chatroom. Despite Kazuya’s earlier concerns and protests, participating in the chatroom easily melts itself into his everyday routine.

During the mornings, Maru tells them all about his routine, what he has for breakfast, what he’s doing with Shuuichi, Ueda usually pipes in around that time too because they’re both morning people. Taguchi isn’t up until about midday and he doesn’t talk much (when he does, Kame deliberately tunes out most of the time), Koki isn’t around until late afternoon and he usually comments late on what everyone’s been up to - offers a little on what he’s doing. Jin isn’t around until the night and it’s about that time when Kazuya is most available to talk as well.

Kazuya can practically feel the venus flytrap that is this situation with Jin, slowly closing in on them both and if he had any sense, he’d simply stop answering but he can’t help it.

He sees Jin’s name on his phone and he just has to...answer.

A drug indeed.

He’s on his last break of the day when his phone buzzes. This time not with a message but with a call. The name on the screen gives him pause.

He checks his surroundings for a moment and feels a familiar hard thump in his chest as he presses ‘answer’ and hears Jin’s voice on the other end.

“So I was thinking…” Jin says, an unidentifiable sound in the background as he clatters around.. "We should speed this up.”

Kazuya feels his eye twitch. "This, being?”

“You and me,” Jin clatters around a little more. "This thing we do everytime we start talking again.”

He doesn’t even need to say more, Kazuya is well aware of their pattern. Still, this is the first time Jin’s actually called it out for what it is, normally they just wait for it to hit.

“What’s the hurry?” he asks, a small smirk spreading over his face as he can practically feel Jin’s mild annoyance. "The pining makes it all worth it, think of me like food. You can’t be full on me so soon.”

“Kame, that’s my line and I use it on my audience, not you,” Jin mutters. "I’ve got a point you know, we always end up there. So why not go there now?”

“You’re sweeping me off my feet with your romance,” Kazuya drawls and leans back. "You know, maybe we can avoid it this time. Maybe if we don’t do it, it won’t happen.”

“That didn’t work the last three times we tried that,” Jin reminds him. "It always ends the same and you know it. The sooner we start it-”

“The sooner it can end,” Kazuya shoots back blandly. "I’m really looking forward to the three month hangover, Akanishi.”

“Maybe it won’t end this time!” Jin insists, his voice raised in frustration. "Why did it end last time? Or the time before that? If we see it coming, we can avoid it. Obviously avoiding each other is out of the question.”

Kazuya winces but Jin has a point. Even now as he tells Jin that they might be able to avoid it and carry on with their lives, he knows it’s a lie. It’s going to happen, he can already feel the tug of the magnet and it’s as strong now as it was before. 

It’s annoying too because his love life is never this exciting when Jin’s not around.

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. The end is always the part that concerns him, the fact that he is knowingly running towards something that is doomed to end. If Jin had asked him to do this last month, he’d have easily been able to say no but they’re near the end of filming for P & JK and he has to start on Utsukushii Hoshi soon after that.

He doesn’t have time to get laid by someone who will want him to take the necessary steps of getting to know them and woo them.

“My place,” he finally mutters. "9pm.”

When he hangs up, he feels the flytrap close and he does nothing to fight it.

-

“Do you still have that camera?” Jin asks after Kazuya settles him on the couch with a beer in hand. Awkward ice breaking sex is so much easier when neither of them are sober.

Kazuya shoots him a strange look and picks the lid off his beer, closing his fridge with his other hand as he saunters back into the living room. "What camera?”

Jin levels him with a meaningful look. "That camera,” he reminds him in a low tone and suddenly Kazuya remembers everything. Oh. That camera. His camera. The one he only ever uses in the safety of his walls - and a locked cabinet when he has one of his brothers staying with him.

He rubs his nose and sits down. "I’m a creature of habit,” he tells Jin plainly. "I don’t have that camera anymore but an upgraded version of it.”

Jin hums and Kazuya tries not to think about what’s going through Jin’s mind right now.

There’s them and their relationship. Then there’s the details of what they actually get up to when the doors are locked. It’s a long, long history documented by well protected data containing sensitive photos.

Photos Kazuya guards so religiously because it would destroy him if they ever got out but he can’t ever bring himself to get rid of them.

A familiar teasing grin flashes across Jin’s face as he leans in. "Are you only ever that kinky with me?”

Kazuya takes a sip of his beer. He’s actually exhausted. He’d been filming since the earliest hours of the morning and normally he’d be smooth and even put some effort into seducing Jin but right now, he can’t be assed. Especially since he knows Jin’s a done deal. He’s the easiest person to get into bed where Kazuya is concerned.

But Kazuya is still a little surprised. He hasn’t actually seen Jin face to face in some time so he’s a little surprised at how he keeps forgetting how strikingly pretty the other is. Like time makes him forget about the dot on the side of Jin’s eye that he loves to kiss, or about the fact that Jin’s hair is just so impossible it both makes him look homeless and makes him look like a model all the time. 

He runs his eyes over Jin’s clothes for a moment and back to Jin’s face to see Jin’s eyes doing the same, remembering him, recalling everything about him. Like a tiny ritual before they get to the point of why they can’t seem to run away from each other in the first place.

Jin gently settles his beer on the coffee table. He leans over and takes Kazuya’s, making sure to brush his fingers gently over Kazuya’s in the process. Kazuya stays still and watches as Jin sets the other bottle on the table before leaning over him, one hand perched on the back of the couch, the other on the other side of Kazuya. His dark hair falls gently over his eyes as he watches, shameless and inviting.

Reaching a small hand up to Jin’s hair, Kazuya’s fingers graze gently over the silky locks before he closes his hand into a fist, pulling Jin closer to him. Jin makes the smallest noise but offers no resistance, melting into Kazuya’s hold as he grabs Jin’s side with his other hand and pulls him in until Jin’s body flops on top of his.

Kazuya likes the weight of him pinning him down to the couch, it makes this all the more real.

He leans in and he hears Jin’s sharp intake of breath as he brushes past Jin’s lips and reaches up for Jin’s ear.

“Get the camera,” he whispers and smiles when he feels Jin’s entire body shiver with unbridled want. Kazuya’s eyes darken and he gently lets Jin go, watching as the other stumbles into his bedroom. It’s been over a year but Jin knows exactly where everything is.

Maybe Jin’s right. Maybe waiting isn’t their style after all.

When he comes back with the camera, Kazuya checks the lens for a second and leans back on the couch. He shoots Jin a look that the other understands immediately.

Years and years of learning the difference between ‘touch me’ and ‘touch me and die’ have made Jin an expert on Kame-faceology. He hovers over Kazuya, kissing him for a moment and moving his kisses down Kazuya’s neck. As he moves, he starts to hear the click of the camera and takes it slow as he opens Kazuya’s shirt and kisses down his chest.

His lips move over Kazuya’s almost-non-existent nipples, tongue playfully wetting them both and he loves the sound Kazuya makes. Still the clicking doesn’t end, especially as Jin moves his way down Kazuya’s stomach. He mouths the belt for a moment, eyes looking up and straight into the lens as he does so. He knows this works when he feels a slight pressure at his throat where Kazuya’s tenting in his pants.

No matter how far they go from each other, or how many times they break up with each other, this part always remains the same.

His hands slide up Kazuya’s legs, making sure to bask in every heated look Kazuya throws him from behind the camera. Clicking away as Jin makes short work of his belt and pushes his pants down.

Jin looks down and grins when he sees how riled up Kazuya actually is. "Damn Kamenashi, when was the last time you got laid?”

Another click answers his question and he doesn’t wait for an actual answer before he licks the precum off and hears Kazuya’s whimper, followed by more clicks.

Jin’s mouth closes over Kazuya’s length, taking him in as much as he can. His hair falls over his eyes just slightly and Kazuya loves the angle. He lets out a shuddering breath and adjusts himself slightly.

If he wasn’t a perfectionist who needed two hands to handle a camera, he’d have grabbed Jin’s hair already.

Jin’s tongue is magic. Kazuya’s eyes almost roll to the back of his head. He takes more pictures and watches as Jin lathers him with his tongue, lips rolling over and over until Kazuya’s breath hitches and he can’t even focus on the pictures he’s taking.

He gasps, the camera slipping slightly from his grip and Jin smiles at him.

Evil, he’s so evil.

He pulls back from Kazuya, his hand holding the base firmly as he smiles at him.. "Keep taking pictures,” he purrs. "You’ll want to see the end of this.”

Kazuya whimpers and Jin takes him back into his mouth. Every roll of his tongue, every hum and vibration makes him throb and ache until he can’t take it anymore. His finger falls on the camera button just at the end. He takes his eyes off Jin, throwing his head back with a helpless moan.

When it’s over and he’s lying in the couch, panting and mind blank in bliss, he vaguely registers Jin climbing up his body again and taking the camera from his hands.

Jin flicks through the pictures saved in the camera, grinning as he shows Kazuya the last picture he took right before he came.

Jin’s eyes are open, staring shamelessly into the lens, the shot is only slightly blurry because of how Kazuya’s entire body jerked. But Jin’s smile, his tongue rested on Kazuya’s tip, the wicked grin on his lips.

Kazuya makes a mental note to put more passwords on that shot.

-

Jin rolls over in bed, the sheet slipping down his body and perching almost teasingly at his hips. As it does, Kazuya looks over him and rests his cheek on his hand, observing Jin as he rolls over, still deep in sex-induced sleep.

He’s beautiful. He always has been. His dark hair contrasts against Kazuya’s white sheets and Kazuya still finds it amazing how he can yoyo up and down in weight but Jin somehow just manages to stay that perfect level of lean and toned. Kazuya observes the line of muscle down his chest, down to his stomach where the sheet hides the rest of him.

Kazuya watches Jin’s face, long lashes splayed over his cheeks, lips slightly parted, chest rising and falling gently with his breathing. Leaning in a little closer, Kazuya watches the vein on his wrist throb with his heartbeat, his fingers gently curled on the sheet.

Picking up the camera, he’s as silent as he can manage. He positions himself in position and quietly snaps another picture. The click makes Jin jolt and Kazuya gently moves himself until he’s hovering over Jin, taking another picture of the way Jin’s hair falls over his sheets. 

Placing his knees on either side of Jin’s body, Kazuya leans over the other and takes another picture from above. He watches through the lens as Jin’s eyes slowly open, the way Jin’s lips stretch to a slow grin and Kazuya clicks just as Jin’s tongue comes out to wet his lower lip.

“Do you do this with all your bedmates or just me?” Jin asks, his voice quiet and stuffy with sleep.

“Shh,” Kazuya mutters, clicking another picture. "Move.”

Jin leans his face up, getting closer to the lens and Kazuya clicks again. He takes more shots and the more he takes, the more Jin does. He runs his tongue over his lips, his eyes get darker and darker, he gets more and more shameless and Kazuya is so busy taking pictures that he doesn’t even realise where Jin’s hand is until he feels it between his legs.

The feeling is so sudden, he hadn’t even realised he was hard until Jin had him. In his shock, he drops the camera and it lands right on Jin’s nose, bouncing off and landing somewhere on the bed.

“AGH!” Jin yelps, he falls back and bursts out laughing.

His hands come up to cradle his face and Kazuya joins in the laughter once he’s made sure he hasn’t actually made Jin’s nose bleed or anything. Slumping onto Jin’s chest, Kazuya giggles out endless apologies as he pries Jin’s hands away from his face and leans up to press kisses to his nose and cheeks.

“I’ve gotta see this,” Jin chuckles, one arm coming around Kazuya’s bare waist to hug him to himself whilst the other grabs the camera and flicks through the images.

He shows Kazuya the last image, taken right before the camera smacked Jin in the face. It’s blurry but they can see Jin’s wide eyes, premature shock setting in as he realises the camera is about to hit him and the comically horrified look on his face. It sets them off in fits of laughter again.

“Delete that,” Jin says, his finger moving towards the button.

“Hell no,” Kazuya snatches the camera off him. "That picture, like all the other ones, is mine now. It stays in the camera.”

“It’s not even sexy,” Jin protests. He tries once or twice to grab the camera off Kazuya but the younger holds the camera out of reach and Jin sighs as he gives up and lets the other keep it.

Jin flops his head onto Kazuya’s chest and snuggles into him. Like all the times before, it feels right and he can’t help but wonder why they keep breaking up when it’s so obvious that they can’t run away from each other and they can’t resist each other.

He thinks back to the other times and frowns as he runs his hand gently along Kazuya’s abdomen, feeling over the body he knows better than perhaps even his own.

“Do you do that with anyone else?” he can’t help but ask.

“Do what?”

Jin frowns and levels Kazuya with a slightly annoyed look, "that,” he points to the camera. "That kink of yours.”

Kazuya looks slightly offended. "I don’t see you complaining.”

“I’m not,” Jin replies, his hand instinctively on Kazuya’s chest as if that would stop the turtle from hiding in his shell as he’s done so many times before. Kazuya’s gotten better at handling conflict but when it comes to Jin approaching sensitive topic, the turtle hides.

“I’m just wondering,” Jin adds, "if you do that with anyone else.”

Kazuya averts his eyes, he clears his throat awkwardly and puts the camera away - suddenly self conscious. He avoids looking at Jin for a straight ten minutes and Jin can practically hear the gears in Kazuya’s head whirring at full speed. 

“It only works with you,” he finally admits after a pregnant pause, "it doesn’t work with anyone else…”

Jin watches him calmly. He tries to imagine Kazuya trying to do what they normally do with the camera, with someone else and he doesn’t like it. It almost feels like whether they are together or apart, the camera part belongs to him.

“I didn’t keep any of the images,” he mutters and keeps his gaze away from Jin. "I don’t know why, it just...only works with you.”

The turtle is retreating into his shell again and Jin can’t think of anything else to say. Kazuya’s discomfort is practically coming off him in waves.

“...oh. Okay.”

He wonders if it means more that Kazuya can only do this with Jin.

-

<< Kame has logged in >>

Junno: Only me~

<< Kame has logged out >>

Junno: OI!!!!

Junno: (´;︵;`)

Junno: ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)

<< Kame has logged in >>

Junno: HE RETURNS!!!

Kame: I’m in between meetings. Had to find a drug store.

Junno: What for?

Kame: I was walking to the building and walked into a tree. Got a gash on my forehead and a lecture about using my phone safely.

Junno: LOL look where ur going!

Kame: Already got the lecture thank you

Junno: So ur going to chat to me in your precious free time? How kind of you

Kame: One pun and I’m leaving.

Junno: Fine fine. Btw are you okay?

Kame: I’m fine thank you

Junno: Or should I say...oaky?

<< Kame has logged out >>

Junno: Why did you leaf me??

-

Kazuya is given a camera for his eighteenth birthday and the first picture he takes is a picture of Jin. Jin’s standing in the dressing room, half dressed because they all have practice and nobody is motivated this early in the morning. Kazuya looks up from his bag, sees Jin talking to Koki about something and just...takes the picture.

It’s annoying how stupidly photogenic Jin really is. Kazuya takes a few more photos before Jin starts to turn around and Kazuya quickly stuffs the camera in his bag.

It’s not until about a week later, when Jin is lounging on the floor of his bedroom that Kazuya dares bring the camera out. He can’t help it. Jin is lying on his back, his phone in his hands, body so relaxed and open and that is getting pretty rare these days when they’re surrounded by cameras and reporters so much they have to close themselves off as much as they can.

He snaps a picture, the click gets Jin’s attention. He looks up to see Kazuya taking another picture and a slow grin spreads over his face.

“What are you doing, Kamenashi?”

Kazuya shoots him a smile from behind the camera. "Pose,” he requests and Jin gives him a small look before shrugging and pushing himself into a sitting position.

He shoots Kazuya the darkest look and Kazuya quickly seals the shot in his camera. Jin crawls towards him and Kazuya curls up on his bed, snapping shot after shot after shot. He watches Jin’s sinful hair falling over his eyes, the look in Jin’s eyes and he seals all of it.

Jin finally climbs onto the bed. He takes the camera from Kazuya’s grip and leans in to take his lips. Kazuya leans back until he’s lying flat on his back with Jin crawling over him and kissing him harder.

Kazuya hears more clicks and kisses Jin harder, his hands going into Jin’s hair, pushing his locks back and Jin’s arm is outstretched, holding the camera and aiming it at them both.

Then Jin rolls his hips and Kazuya forgets all about the camera.

Later, when they’re lying on the bed, clothes askew, sweaty and slightly breathless, Jin handles the camera in his elegant hands and looks over the lens.

“The Jin in these shots probably has a way better life than the real one,” Jin mutters and Kazuya has to look at him. Jin notes the confusion on his face and shrugs. "Well what does the public think when they see a picture of me? They see what they want to see. Alternate Jin. They don’t know me. Not really.”

Kazuya wonders if sex always makes Jin philosophical and props himself up on his elbows.

“Does that bother you?” he asks.

“Maybe,” Jin shrugs in a noncommittal way. He plays with the camera absently and bites his lip. "We were told before, that being an idol is all about having an image and that image might not actually be the real you but…”

Kazuya leans over, he gently takes the camera from Jin’s hand and raises it up. He then leans in and takes Jin’s lips, the camera clicking a few times to capture the moment.

When he pulls back, he brings the camera back down and lays back down. "Maybe Alternate Jin has a happier life in these images,” he tells him. "Maybe that’s what the public wants to believe.”

Jin eyes the camera warily and flicks his eyes back up to Kazuya. He takes his hand, their pinky rings rubbing together slightly as they entwine their fingers.

“Maybe Alternate Kamenashi and Akanishi spend the rest of their lives in bed and never have to worry about when they’ll debut and what they’ll do with the rest of their lives,” he says quietly.

Kazuya starts collecting photos of Jin after that. Every photo he takes, he preserves and when Jin leaves for LA, it’s the only thing that keeps him sane. Looking at the photos and knowing that somewhere immortalised in their history, Alternate Kamenashi and Akanishi can still look at each other like that and kiss each other like that.

Even if the shot is a little blurry because there’s no such thing as a selfie stick yet.

-

“Lift your foot...no that foot...the other one!”

Jin himself wasn’t actually a large creature. He was slightly taller than the average Japanese man and he was lean in build. He was by no means light, but he wasn’t completely heavy either.

However, that logic didn’t seem to apply when he was drunk and leaning against Kazuya because both his legs had stopped working. The poor idol had to drag Jin in through the door and gave up on trying to get his shoes off because Jin was just too far gone to get them off himself.

At last Jin’s tour had ended. Audio Fashion had been going on for awhile and at last, it had reached the end. Which, to Jin, was the perfect excuse to go out with his friends and get so completely wasted that Kazuya had to risk getting caught just to pick his drunk ass up because no one else was sober enough to drive either.

Jin moans sleepily. He smells like alcohol, his hair is a mess and his shirt is riding up a little because Kazuya has one arm around his back and is trying like hell to keep him upright enough to drag him to the living room. When he finally tosses the drunk singer onto his couch, Jin just rolls onto his back and flails his arms out a little.

“Wadaaa…” he whines and Kazuya takes a deep breath. Water. Right.

He heads into the kitchen and comes back with a glass. He has the foresight to know that Jin’s going to drop the glass if he is left with it alone so he props Jin up just slightly and brings the glass to his lips to help him drink.

“Fucks sake, Akanishi,” he grumbles as he finally sets the mostly empty glass down and lets Jin lie down again. "I’ve heard of blind drunk but this is beyond wasted. How much did you have?”

Jin’s head flops around like he’s trying to shake it but he doesn’t remember how. "I onhaff lyk...two or zhree…”

Kazuya raises an eyebrow at him and Jin lifts his hand to demonstrate four fingers. "Or seben….”

“Uh huh.”

Ever the perfect host, Kazuya gets a bucket for the morning and places it near the couch. He lays newspaper on the floor nearest to the couch just in case Jin misses the bucket and then refills the glass of water. He places painkillers next to it and makes Jin drink just a little more water to rehydrate him.

“You need to know your limits,” he scolds. "If someone saw me coming to get you…”

“You worry too muss…” Jin slurs and Kazuya resists the urge to glare at him.

Jin should really know better. Given the fact that people are still talking about the Bruno Mars thing, if nothing else it should clue him in on the fact that people still pay attention. When Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin are in the same vicinity, in the same sentence...hell, even on the same page in a news article, people pay attention and they talk about it. The spotlight has always been on them, especially when they’re anywhere near each other.

Jin doesn’t seem to mind it but Kazuya does. It’s annoying when Jin’s name pops up in things that actually have nothing to do with him but the public wants to know - craves more information about them. Them together.

Of course nobody in the outer circle knows that they’re right and they have an ongoing off-and-on relationship but they don’t need to know. At least, that’s Kazuya’s opinion on the matter anyway.

Jin, on the other hand, couldn’t care less if they knew.

“Would be one less thing to hide,” he had said - prompting the last epic fight a few years ago.

He looks over Jin and the other is passed out, his eyes closed and body flopped uncomfortably on the sofa. He moves Jin around, takes his shoes off, covers him with a blanket and goes to put his shoes in the entryway.

Just as he’s on his way to his bedroom, he passes the couch and stops when he feels Jin grab his hand. He looks down to see the other is awake -just barely - and looking at him.

“I love you,” he murmurs and Kazuya feels the words shoot right through his nerves. The tips of his fingers twitch just a little and he blinks at Jin, almost as if he’s not sure Jin just said what he said.

He never said it before. Not when they were together the first time and they were sure they were never going to break up and not when they were together the second time and scared they were going to fuck it up again. Not all the other times after that either. They keep getting together and they keep splitting up again - to the point where this feels temporary too but Jin had never once said those words and neither had Kazuya.

What was the point of saying them to someone who was going to leave?

Jin’s grip on Kazuya’s hand is tight for a drunk man and Kazuya swallows hard, there’s a lump in his throat that wasn’t there before and for a precious ten minutes, he doesn’t know what to say to Jin’s too-vulnerable face.

“Go to sleep, Jin,” he croaks and leans down to smooth the blanket over the other. 

The look on Jin’s face is open, way too open and Kazuya can’t actually handle how vulnerable he looks. There’s also a shade of disappointment, like Kazuya hadn’t said what he’d wanted him to say.

He goes to leave for his bedroom and Jin’s voice calls after him.

“We dun haff to end this time,” he says, his voice pleading.. "You can be wif me. You dun haff to hide.”

Kazuya looks over his shoulder and Jin is still lying there on his couch but his head is craned up as much as he can, eyes watching Kazuya’s every move. He doesn’t want them to end either. He never does but they always do. For one reason or another, they always come to an end. The first time it was because neither of them seemed ready for the serious emotions and relationship they were speeding towards. The second time was because of a fight neither of them were willing to fix. The third time was because Jin had left KAT-TUN and Kazuya had left him to make the split easier on him and let Jin grow on his own. It went on and on and on and it had no end. They were drawn to each other and they also, inevitably, left each other.

“Goodnight Jin,” he says and heads into his room, the door closing behind him with a small click.

 

-

<< Kame has logged in >>

Kame: I blame this chatroom for this.

Kame: I was perfectly fine working through my own issues and not having a way to talk to him again.

Kame: Seeing his name on my phone again…

Kame: It’s not fair.

Kame: Nothing about this is fair.

Kame: Why can’t we just leave each other alone?

<< Kame has logged out >>

Ueda: …

Nakamaru: …

Ueda: Well...I think it’s working.

-

“I hate lying,” Jin had told him once before KAT-TUN debuted.

It wasn’t long after Gokusen had started and the closest thing Kazuya had ever had to a proposal or marriage by that point was the pinky ring on his finger. The meaning was open. Jin had one too and although they never explicitly said what it meant, it wasn’t hard to figure it out.

The song helped as well. When Kizuna was released, everyone knew the meaning either - although Kazuya only gave the smallest hints, it wasn’t hard to figure out.

He was nineteen. He never said it but he was in love with Jin. He was still learning how to deal with that, let alone how to deal with the outside world figuring it out.

It was scary enough to feel that kind of intense emotion for Jin in the first place. To know Jin was that immensely important to him and that losing him in any sense of the word scared him to death. 

So the added fear of having to hide this part, be more discreet, learn that people knowing about this was not a good thing, was just more stress on what was already a scary situation.

Then management noticed something was up between the two of them about six months after they debuted. A heavy decision was made and when Jin was told he was going overseas, admittedly the first thing he told his manager was to go fuck himself.

“It’s about you,” he ranted to Kazuya later that night, pacing his bedroom furiously as he had been for the last hour since he got there. "It’s always about you. They’ve been on our asses since Gokusen.”

Kazuya sits on the end of his bed. He hasn’t been home long and he’s still wearing his suit from the meeting he just got out of. He tugs at the tie and undoes the top buttons to let himself breathe.

“Jin…”

“No,” Jin points at him. "You’re about to take their side.”

“This isn’t about sides,” Kazuya tells him, his tone is more tired than it is annoyed but he feels both. "They can see it. The pinky rings, the songs, the looks...I mean...it’s obvious.”

“So?” Jin shrugs and folds his arms. "Let them figure it out. I don’t care.”

“I do!” Kazuya says with wide eyes. "How can you not care? This is our careers we are playing with. If people find out, if it comes out, we will lose our jobs!”

Jin frowns and shakes his head.. "It’s not illegal to be in a relationship.”

“No, but it does make things hard,” Kazuya tells him and he keeps forgetting Jin left high school early and also probably didn’t read his idol contract before he went ahead and signed it.. "Johnny’s and Associates won’t be able to protect us. They won’t be able to get us jobs because people won’t hire us, our fans will hate us because we’ve lied to them-”

“I don’t remember ever telling the fans that I’m available for each and every single one of them,” Jin drawls stubbornly.

“That’s what the idol is,” Kazuya nearly shouts at him. Jin’s so thick headed sometimes.

“You’re not an idol all the time!” Jin finally snaps and screams at him and Kazuya can’t handle this. He’s too tired for this shit. He’s had this fight with Jin before and it’s always ended with one of them storming out.

He just doesn’t understand how Jin doesn’t get it. Get that this is their careers they’re playing with. That they can have a relationship, they just have to be careful. Jin doesn’t get it. Jin doesn’t understand and that’s what drives Kazuya insane.

Either he doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation or...and this is more likely...he does. He just doesn’t care.

At this point, Kazuya is honestly not sure which one is worse.

“So...what?” he asks, turning around to look at Jin. “You wanna come out? Tell the world you’re with me? Watch us both get fired because no one will hire us?”

Jin looks tired. “That’s not what I’m saying,” he tries.

“Then what are you going on about?” Kazuya snaps. “We’ve had this argument too many times before and it always comes back to this!”

“They want to send me away!” Jin screams at him. “For six months! Do you even give a shit about that?! They’re sending me away because they think we’re getting too close-”

“It’s too fucking obvious!” Kazuya yells. “That’s why they’re doing it!”

“For fucks sake, Kame!” Jin kicks the coffee table. He turns around and tries to count to ten, breathe, every method he’s been taught to stop himself from strangling the other. 

Kazuya tries to breathe as well but he’s pissed off. Not just at Jin but at everything. The pinky rings, the songs, the fact that it’s so obvious something is between them. It’s not just Jin’s fault, it’s his as well and he’s losing Jin because of it. This is just as much his punishment as it is Jin’s.

“Maybe it’s for the best,” he finally says, his voice a little croaky and even reluctant because this isn’t for the best and he knows it. He doesn’t want to lose Jin. He looks at Jin’s back, the way the other is slightly hunched over, fingers in his hair, still breathing hard because he’s trying to control his own emotions and that’s so much harder when Kazuya’s stomping all over them.

Jin takes a breath and drops his hands. He turns around to look at the other but Kazuya won’t meet his gaze.

“You can’t mean that,” he tries. “This isn’t for the best. Going away from you-”

“Is for the best,” Kazuya says again and he can’t look at Jin. He’s looking down at the floor instead, trying to convince himself of this. “We can’t control this by ourselves. If the world found out about us...no one would hire us. This isn’t a perfect world, people would shun us for it and that’s the way this is right now. There is no future for us if the world knows about it.”

Jin frowns and Kazuya carries on. “That’s why the agency is sending you away. To control this. They’re not trying to separate us for good, they’re trying to control it.”

“Sending me to another country for six months is separating us,” Jin tells him blankly. “Colour it however you like, but it is separating us and they...they want that.”

Kazuya can’t say anything. He pinches his elbow with his other hand and shivers a little. They’ve worked too hard to get to debut. They can’t lose it all now. Not even for this. But at the same time, Kazuya feels so lost, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to handle any of this.

He hears Jin’s footsteps approaching him and he still can’t look up. He looks at Jin’s legs standing in front of him, feels the warmth that radiates from the other and feels Jin’s hand pushing his bangs aside so he can kiss his forehead.

They end up in bed. The knowledge that this will be the last time in a long time runs through both their heads as they cling to each other, kisses and muffled gasps masked by shifting sheets and blankets. Kazuya remembers looking at his fingers clinging to Jin, leaving marks on his shoulder and back. The bare and open look on Jin’s face, kissing confessions out of Jin’s lungs because he knows what the other wants to say but he can’t bring himself to let him say it.

Jin strips him bare with ease. He presses bruising kisses to Kazuya’s lips. His cheeks, neck, down his shoulders and Kazuya’s fingers dig in and leave half moon marks when Jin slides in. His choked moans echo in the room and he barely notices one of Jin’s hands grabbing the headboard above them.

Jin’s entire body shivers, Kazuya is holding him too close and Jin has his eyes shut tight, face screwed up in concentration as if he’ll come if Kazuya moves even an inch.

His breath comes out in a shaky exhale and Kazuya leans up to take his lips again. Jin’s whimper is swallowed by him as the other finally snaps and starts moving, driving Kazuya into the mattress and making his entire body shake. Jin’s fingers grip the sheets and every move he make, every noise he makes robs Kazuya of every sense he has. 

Too close, too hot, Jin’s hair is in his face, Jin’s back muscles move under Kazuya’s fingers and every time he drives into Kazuya, all he can feel is how good it is. This is why it never works with anyone else, only Jin turns his mind off so completely. 

He doesn’t even realise the choked cry is his own until his entire body snaps and bliss takes over the rest of him.

Then, when he’s exhausted and lying in bed, he’s just about ready to drift off when he hears Jin moving. He lets his eyes close. He’s too tired to move. He hears the click of a camera and his tired mind doesn’t bother to connect why Jin is doing this.

He feels Jin’s lips on his forehead, soft and loving and then he hears Jin shuffling around.

Then Jin leaves, the door closes behind him and he doesn’t come back.

-

It’s early morning when Kazuya wanders out of his bedroom. Jin’s confession, the huge L word they wordlessly promised they’d never say, plays over and over in Kazuya’s head and he admittedly didn’t get much sleep because of it.

He goes to look at the couch, expecting to see an unconscious and probably hungover Jin but instead he finds a folded blanket with a single photograph sitting on top. It’s a picture of him sleeping and Kazuya isn’t sure when Jin took this but it isn’t a recent photo. He’s lying in a bed with blankets he hasn’t owned for years.

Jin must have taken this photo a long time ago.

He picks the photo up and turns it around to see Jin’s messy handwriting on the other side.

_‘Kazu,_

_Let’s call it. The end. Really the end. I don’t know why we keep doing this when we know it’ll always end but if I wasn’t going to call it, you were going to and it hurts more when you do it. So I’ll do it._

_Let’s stop this dance. It’s been going on too long and we need something else. Something more. Something that doesn’t keep ending like this. Maybe we’re too different and that’s why this never works._

_Let’s stop hurting each other._

_Alternative Jin and Alternative Kame can live in the photos and that’s the best we have. Memories of a history. But not of a future._

_I’ll see you._

_J.’_

-

<< Jin has logged on >>

Jin: i SAW A DEER!

Koki: wtf…

Ueda: …

Jin: A dEER!

Nakamaru: Akanishi is drunk. I think.

Koki: Thank you, captain obvious.

Jin: AND is ALL UR FOLT

Nakamaru: ?

Jin: FULT

Ueda: …

Jin: KUJBDKFUB

Ueda: Fault?

Jin: YA

Nakamaru: Right. I’m going to guess we’re up to the breakup stage.

Ueda: Next comes the bitchy Kame stage.

Nakamaru: No that part is after. First is the mopey Kame stage.

Koki: Someone needs to go to his apartment and remove all junk food.

Jin: U gyz suk. U did dis

Nakamaru: Guilty. 

Jin: Y?!?! i waz fyne nt bein hartbroken….

Ueda: ffs…

Koki: And I’m out.

<< Koki has logged out >>

Ueda: Coward!

Jin: i told him 2. I said da word. Da big word.

Nakamaru: The big word?

Ueda: Does Jin know any big words?

Jin: FUK U UEDA! DA L WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!

Ueda: Did you say that in English or Japanese?

Jin: fuk u. Alternativ jin n kame can b happy in alternativ world.

Ueda: …?

Jin: DA PHOTO WORLD!!!!!!!

Ueda: This makes about as much sense as you did when you were trying to explain the concept of virtual reality.

Nakamaru: This is good. This is good. Kame probably needed to hear it. Now maybe something will change and this akame drama will finally progress to something we can live with. 

Ueda: I never thought I’d say thank fuck we’re on recharge but thank fuck we’re on recharge. Can you imagine having to deal with him when this happens and we can’t run away from him?

Nakamaru: That’s why I set it up now whilst we’re not dealing with him.

Jin: wat r u 2 tlkin about?

Ueda: You two. You’ve been at it since 1999. Would you just sort ur shit out already? You make up, you break up and every time you do, we’re the ones who have to deal with Kame being such a bitch. Either get fucking married already or stay away from each other forever.

Nakamaru: Since the latter seems to be impossible, the former will have to do. 

Jin: u 2 are unbelivable. U SET US UP?!?! WTFUCK IS WRONG WIT U!?!?

Ueda: What the fuck is wrong with you?! How long are you guys going to keep doing this?? Haven’t you figured anything out? When things are going good, Kame is awesome to work with and when things are going to shit, he’s horrible to be around and that’s down to you. Sort it the fuck out.

Jin: IF U HADNT DON THIS I WULDNT HAV TLKED 2 HIM 2 START WITH!!!!!

Nakamaru: That’s a steaming pile of bullshit.

Jin: I left him

Ueda: Uh huh and that’s what we’re saying. That doesn’t happen. It never happens. You two always start it again then end it again. I hate fuckin meddling in your lives but for fucks sake Akanishi.

Jin: u 2 r so ded when he sees this

<< Jin has logged out >>

Nakamaru: ugh

Ueda: Thank god for the recharge.

Nakamaru: I’ll give it a week.

Ueda: Two days. Tops.

Nakamaru: You’re on. Loser buys lunch.

<< Nakamaru has logged out >>

<< Ueda has logged out >>

<< Kame has logged in >>

Kame: …

Kame: Oh you two are so dead when I get my hands on you.

-

Jin comes back when he knows Kazuya is at home. He lets himself in with the spare key, spots Kazuya moping on the couch and comes over to wordlessly sit beside him.

Kazuya as his eyes forward. He’s watching the game but Jin knows his habits well enough to know he’s not actually paying attention to it. He’s sulking.

Finally Jin takes a deep breath and reaches over to rest his hand on Kazuya’s.

“Assholes,” Kazuya mutters under his breath and nods to his phone on the coffee table. “Can you believe them?”

“After all this time...I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am,” Jin mumbles. He holds Kazuya’s hand and turns his head to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

Kazuya sniffs. He doesn’t hold Jin’s hand but he doesn’t pull his away either. “Your letter was pretty final.”

“Yeah well, I was depressed,” Jin shrugs. “I said it and you didn’t say it back. Made me wonder what we’re doing this for if it’s not even that deep.”

Kazuya winces and Jin looks at him. “That’s when I realised, it is that deep. It’s always been that deep. We make up, we break up and it’s because neither of us finish things. We let things hang. We walk away from each other after a fight.”

The younger man sighs. He reaches for the remote, turns off the TV and looks at Jin. “Then what do you suggest?”

“We talk. Like adults.”

Kazuya raises an eyebrow at Jin and Jin shrugs. “It’s the best I’ve got. Clearly we can’t get away from each other, we’ve tried and failed. So let’s just….stay. When something bad happens, when we feel like we’re on the verge of breaking up again. We talk. It’s that simple.”

“It’s not that simple,” Kazuya frowns. “Relationships and love are way more complicated. You can’t fix something by simply talking it out.”

“Well it would help if we’d ever once tried it,” Jin shoots back and Kazuya blinks at him. As if surprised that it could be that simple.

Jin leans in. “I look at us in those pictures. All those pictures we take when we’re together and it doesn’t work with anyone else because there is never going to be anyone else. It’s just you and me and that’s how it’s always going to be. By now, at the very least, we should know how this works.”

It takes a moment for it to settle in Kazuya’s mind and when it does, Jin can see the change. He relaxes a little more. His fingers start to return the grip on his hand and Kazuya takes a deep breath.

“Can I kill Nakamaru and Ueda?” he asks quietly.

Jin bursts into laughter. He leans in and takes Kazuya’s lips, feels the other sink into him and uses his other arm to wrap around the singer and pull him closer.

“Say it,” Jin requests, his voice almost insecure.

He sees Kazuya’s eyes open and the other hovers over him, half on his lap already. Kazuya swallows hard and shakes his head. “I’m not saying it unless you mean it this time,” he tells Jin. “Tell me you’re staying. Tell me this is the last time we’re ever breaking up.”

Jin feels a determined clench in his chest. He can’t promise to know the future but he can promise he knows better. He knows that he can’t run from Kazuya and the other seems to have figured out he can’t run either. Stuck together, they can only resolve to sort their problems out together...and try not to kill each other.

“I promise,” he says and Kazuya kisses the air out of his lungs again.

Jin clings to him, he giggles against Kazuya’s lips and mumbles something that sounds an awful lot like “betsu betsu ga warui desu” but Kazuya doesn’t let up from the kiss to hear him properly.

“I love you too,” Kazuya says against his lips and Jin worms his arms around his middle to hug him tight to himself.

They spend about ten minutes making out on the couch with Kazuya sitting on Jin’s lap, lips, teeth and tongue marking each other with increasing need. Finally, Kazuya pulls back and his eyes are dark, face is pink and breath out of sync.

“Get the camera,” he says.

Jin hurries and when he comes back, Kazuya is on his feet. He hands him the camera and Kazuya gestures down. Jin slowly gets onto his knees, watching the satisfied grin on Kazuya’s face as his fingers toy with the camera.

Almost possessed, Jin starts pulling at the button on Kazuya’s jeans. He looks up and Kazuya is just watching him, head slightly tilted, almost pensive.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Kazuya purrs and takes a picture of him on his knees. “I’m just immortalising this. Can I take a picture of you now?”

Jin pulls him out of his underwear and offers him the most evil grin “How about several?”

-

4 MONTHS LATER

<< Nakamaru has logged in >>

Nakamaru: I am back from my trip!

Ueda: Did you get me a t-shirt?

Nakamaru: （ー△ー；）

Junno: A souvenir?

Koki: Chocolate?

Jin: Condoms?

Kame: As if you’d need them.

Ueda: Things I do not need to know #23438

<< Nakamaru has enabled FILE SHARING MODE >>

Jin: ???

Nakamaru: This is so I can send you pictures from my trip! Enjoy.

Nakamaru: FILE SENT statue.jpg

Nakamaru: FILE SENT ramen.jpg

Nakamaru: FILE SENT jalapeno.jpg

Ueda: Nice.

Kame: Lovely.

Nakamaru: FILE SENT soccer.jpg

Koki: You really don’t take selfies do you?

Nakamaru: FILE SENT obligatoryselfie.jpg

Jin: There we go.

Kame: FILE SENT jin.jpg

Junno: ????

Jin: (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

Jin: Revenge time!

Ueda: Wait, what?

Nakamaru: What are you doing?

Kame: FILE SENT jinbj.jpg

Nakamaru: …

Ueda: EW!

Junno: Wait, what’s Jin got in his mouth?

Koki: And..saved.

Jin: wtf koki…

Junno: Oh...it’s a….

Kame: FILE SENT fuckmedaddy.jpg

<< Ueda has logged out >>

Nakamaru: I regret everything now

Jin: (⁰ ◕〜◕ ⁰)

Koki: savesavesavesave

Junno: What am I even looking at?

Nakamaru: …

Junno: OH! EW!

Kame: Welcome back Maru <3

Jin: Yea, thanks 4 everything!

Nakamaru: I hate you both…

Kame: <3<3<3<3


End file.
